And then I got all introspective~

The table after undecorating the house.

I had a post ready to go for this morning. A lighthearted, cook-with-the-kids, extremely-yummy-cookie post. (Which I promise to post tomorrow.) But then I got all introspective...and since this is my first post of the new decade, I thought to myself that perhaps being all introspective is a nice way to ring in the new year.

It started innocently enough.


Mr. Two is my talker. If you have more than one kid, chances are one of them is the talker. Not that the others don't talk...but this one talks more. A lot more. You know what I mean. The one that follows you around chattering on about whatever pops in his little head at the moment. Luckily, Mr. Two is funny. I mean really funny. So he is easy to listen to.




This morning he was chatting away about what color his heart is...."Mommy is my heart pink, or red, or black?"


"Pink," was my immediate and not very well thought-out answer.


"How do people know what color hearts are, mommy?" and then immediately, "doctors know because they can look at them, right?"


"Right." That answer worked as well as any for me...and saved me from having to think up something better.


Then he continued without missing a beat. "I want to be a doctor and a dinosaur and a astronaut when I grow up, mommy."


"That's wonderful!" I enthused. I'd heard that he wanted to be a dinosaur and an astronaut, but I appreciated the addition of being a doctor. I'm nothing if not practical.


But then came the question that tilted my morning on its side, and sent my mind spinning through my life...the past, the present, the future. The lives of my children.


He looked at me and asked, "But mommy, do you really turn into what you want to be when you grow up?"


I was staring at the computer screen when he asked, so I looked up and studied his earnest little face.


"Ask Mommy again." I wanted to be sure I heard him right.


"Mommy, do you really turn into what you want to be when you grow up?"



"You can be anything you want to be if you try hard enough." I replied, but suspecting he REALLY wants to be a dinosaur, I added, "I don't think you can really turn into a dinosaur though."



"Then I'll be a doctor and a astronaut, mommy."


"Good idea." I smiled.



"But I really want to be a dinosuar," he frowned just a little.


"Maybe you can." I smiled again.



And that was the end of our conversation. He skipped off to play with his toys in his bedroom, and I sat there, my mind in a twist.



Am I what I hoped to be when I grew up?



Partially, I guess.



I'm a mother. I always wanted to be a mother. I'm working on becoming a designer. I've always loved that....from the time I was tiny. I don't think I was one of those kids that had a specific dream...well maybe being a dancer...but really, I was quite fickle in the what-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up department.



So, in my case, at least, I think the question is "Am I following a path that makes me happy and is fulfilling? Am I following my bliss?" Not "Have I arrived?" And I think the answer to that is "yes."




For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while, you know that 2010 was a very difficult year for my family. My husband was in a car accident that nearly claimed his life at the end of August. The day after his accident, my contracted job ended. Needless to say, nursing my hubby back to health, with neither of us working, things have been difficult this year. Thankfully, we have had wonderful support, and a bit of retirement money to live off of, but I can safely say that I am not sad to see 2010 go.

2011 holds promise for me. I am starting to work again. The hubby has been working a bit here and there, and is almost well enough to really get our photography business running again. I get to come here and visit with you all on this blog. I love writing this blog. It is my bliss. It is what I want to do when I grow up. And I get to. I get to chase my dreams. Designing, blogging, writing, being a mom.

I read a quote the other day that said it all....

"She went out on a limb, had it break off behind her, and realized she could fly."
Kobi Yamada

So here's to going out on a limb and chasing dreams in 2011.

And here's to my 5-year-old that cuts through all the fluff and makes his mom really think.

Happy New Year!

xoxo
Wendy